Chapter 1
[EN]
“Our character is the result of our behaviour”
◼️Nothing is as valuable as our physical and mental wellbeing, and I don’t say this lightly.
Now: That is not to say that you may use that as a justification for not going to work, for taking time off because you are upset at your boss or for wanting to experience everything too quickly to a point where you make irresponsible decisions. In that case, some common sense needs to be inserted here... This is also not to say that some situations aren’t extreme and need to be acted upon. But, unless that is the case, I highly recommend not to. Because if we do that without thinking about how that decision spreads and affects others, what happens is that we are actually taking away the opportunity for those who seriously need special attention and care, to have access to it.
Contributing to that is almost seen as a crime in my eyes.
Some people only understand things after they experience it, but in some scenarios, it is advisable that you do not experience certain things in the first place. In the case of an illness or an addiction, for example. And the fact that you didn’t experience it but “understand” how bad it can be to someone else (and how they have their own reasons to feel that way), means you have the capacity to empathize - one of the many unique and beautiful qualities that we, human beings, have for being rational. Such qualities should be celebrated and used to better our connection with others, not tear apart and scrutinize because the background or the knowledge differs. Some things go beyond knowledge, they are simply felt and we are actually already born with the ability, it just needs practice.
Everything in life takes hard work. You’ll feel it when you want to achieve something, as well as, when you don’t. Because everything has consequences. There is a cost to success just as much as there is a cost to failure and/or to conformity. It is a crossroad, and whichever direction you choose, you’ll have to deal with the repercussions. Hence the importance of choosing to do something you love as a job. It is inevitable that we have to work in order to pay bills, make a living, have decent quality of life, etc… By not choosing an area of your interest, you are basically setting yourself up to suffer from the get-go. Why?
I know I’m lucky to have parents who allowed me to choose the path I wanted to take, as unpredictable and as ephemeral as it could possibly be. And they always shared their concerns with me over time. Still, they saw my determination to at least try and gave me a chance to learn by myself. They also made sure that I always felt somewhat supported from afar and, in the case of an emergency or it not working out well, I could come home to their open arms.
In that situation, was I going to use that “safety net” to be reckless and not care as much, knowing I could go back at any moment?
No. The opposite. I chose to be even more responsible knowing they are trusting me with this important decision and show them that it was the right one.
Trust is a particularity of a relationship that is built once someone shows consistency with their actions and words. You can’t expect people to trust you if you say one thing and do another. And, contrary to popular belief, it takes time and coherency. It is not created within months, but every small step gives life to the end picture. You just have to put in the work together.
And it is true that some people don’t deserve our trust or kind words. We can’t predict who we are trusting in the end. I, myself, have had situations where I realised later on that the person was not worthy of my thoughtfulness. But is that a strong enough reason for anyone not to act according to their values once they realise such people exist? No. There shouldn’t be a reason in the world that overlaps our self-judgement and image, as the cost of that is integrity.
I grew up in Africa. I know what it is like to have daily electricity shortages and hope the generator device cooperates properly (sometimes it didn’t), and to have to heat water in the stove in order to shower with hot water, as the only option. In fact, I have a burn mark which will never let me forget those times. Having had the close contact with another reality as a child sincerely helped me develop a wider understanding of the world and the different cultures that surround us. And there is one personality trait I’ve noticed is universal - respect. In some places it is more present than others, but they all have it to a certain extent.
Respect and trust go hand-in-hand. Gradually, we gain respect for people we trust, which indirectly reflects our character and our competence to choose our friends. And friendships lacking trust are simply exchanges of information and time. When trust is broken, sorry often means nothing.
How you carry yourself is one of the few things you are able to control in life. You can’t control what others think of you, nor can you control what people decide to do with the insights you share, but you can determine how you respond, if it is even worth it. Trying to change someone’s already established idea of you is pointless. It’ll bring headaches and unwanted stress only. I don’t know anyone who stayed true to their code of conduct and is not able to sleep peacefully at night. However, I do know examples of the opposite context and I see how it eats them alive slowly.
In my opinion, we don’t have to prove anything to anyone apart from ourselves. Whoever wants to see it, will see it in due time. Additionally, you never truly know what someone else is going through so jumping to conclusions based on mere assumptions or 3rd party guesses leaves much room for error, remember that.◻️
