Chapter 3

[EN]

“Creating is hard, criticising is easy” – Part 2

◼️Last week I focused on writing about the experiences I went through in the beginning of my career as a professional model. I received feedback on how others have felt similarly and related to some of the hardships and judgement in their own line of work. This is exactly what I hope to achieve with this blog. The modelling world isn’t an exception, it’s just one more industry in a sea full of them. My experiences are applicable not only to other sectors but to life in general, and by sharing them with you, and by you being willing to take 5 minutes a week to read/listen to what I have to say – which I express my gratitude here – we become one step closer to building a more understanding and positive platform.

Looking around at how the world works, people assume roles in society according to their different traits. The smarter choice in order to have a fulfilling one is to dedicate yourself to something you love doing, you are good at doing, you notice the world needs, as well as, something you can be paid for. Something that gives you a reason to live. I live by the Japanese concept 生き甲斐 ‘Ikigai’, among others, and I can’t stress enough how more people would benefit from learning about its existence.

In many instances, creating something from scratch results in negative first impressions and is followed by doubt as the road ahead is unclear. I never share my plans before they are fully developed in my mind, and usually when I do, instead of support I am met with resistance. It's part of it. If I shared my ideas beforehand the probability of me being influenced by other people's views would taint my creativity, initial drive and slow me down in the process. Plenty of times I hear: "I had no idea you were thinking about doing this". Of course not, I didn't share it and there are no psychics around me. I may have mentioned it briefly to those I trust the most, but until I act upon it, it's nothing but one more fantasy.

In reality words are cheap. But just because they may have low value at times, should you dismiss them? Are they worthless? Far from it. It just means that words without actions to back them up, since it is easy for people to lie, shouldn’t be taken too seriously unless you know the person well. Throughout my life I’ve always been told to observe people’s actions, first and foremost. There’s a quote I stand by: “If people say one thing and do another, trust what they do.” It becomes much harder to lie with actions. Body language is not given its due recognition but it manifests a lot of secrets.

I’ve always worked with my body as a means of expression trying to create stories. When you can’t use your words to communicate, one must study human behaviour and psychology. However, I want to add here that there are people who learn it in order to control others around them and that is called manipulation. Not what I mean by studying behaviour and psychology. I mean it in a sense where you study with the purpose of understanding yourself better, not others. If you can learn how to communicate what you mean, there is less margin for it going sideways. Even then, don’t expect it to be a ‘one solution fits all’. The number of times I’ve been misinterpreted in life is too big to count.

Anyhow, misinterpretations are quickly cleared with close friends and family if one is true to their word. I've come across situations where people get surprised by the fact that I actually do mean what I say. And whenever that happens, my mind flips upside-down. Because what good does inconsistency bring? One can only achieve confusion by acting in such a way. How can you mean anything when you don't mean everything you say?

My favourite compliment used to be "Oh, you haven't changed". And I haven’t. To this day I keep growing and enhancing myself, but my core will always remain the exact same. Taylor Swift once said: “I’ll never change, but I’ll never stay the same either.” It couldn’t be more explicit how paradoxical human beings really are. To better explain what I mean, here are some personal examples:

At 6 years old I was questioning religion, coming home from church choir practices and asking my mom why someone was trying to impose ideals upon me while overexaggerating folk tales. Today I still question it.

At 8 years old I ignited a love for dancing. I did the Royal Academy of Dance exams every 2 years, where strict British professors would fly to Lisbon just to evaluate our skill and gave it my all in honing my craft. Today dancing still fuels my heart and gives me inner peace.

At 11 years old I was slapped in the face in front of my whole class for putting in the effort in an extensive assignment, which I worked all day & night to produce, and for not lying when they wanted me to. My colleagues then did nothing but laugh while observing the assault, they even applauded and my teacher froze. I never got an apology of any sort; I didn’t move an inch then and today I still wouldn’t. It simply shone a light early on the kind of people who surrounded me and how I wasn’t interested in taking part in such vileness, so I distanced myself from that energy.

At 19 years old I was being criticised for not complying to the general stereotypes of models, I wouldn’t go out with promoters and I wouldn’t hesitate to say “no” no matter who is asking, especially when it comes to unhealthy practices. Today I still hold my ground.

The bad decisions and actions stay with those who entertain them. Some situations aren’t worth occupying the mind with and absolutely nothing is worth stepping over the lines of your ethical code.

That is a big part of why I can be proud of myself in today’s age. And I sincerely hope you can look back and be proud of yourself too. Because if I can do it, you can too. I’m not special nor better than you in any way. In the end, we are all the same and we all have decisions to make. We choose to make them, don’t try to convince me otherwise. If you’re unsatisfied with yours, there’s a solution. Do something about it. Leave regrets in the past and cherish the present with a foot set in your future self.◻️